I had a “new registered user” sign up which is crap, private blog, I’m the administrator, whatever, it’s spam.  But I came over here and checked that no one was making crazy posts and re-read my last post.  Shortly after that post, I found out I was pregnant.  I think maybe 2 days after.   I tried to be more careful and I was, but not by much.  I went from 198 to 265.  We welcomed our sweet baby girl and thanks to nursing, I lost 20 pounds immediately.  I then had to fight tooth and nail to lose any more while I was nursing.  In February of 2010, we wrapped up that stage of our lives and I hit the diet hard.  I was 241, and now in November of 2010 I’m at 196.  Almost exactly where I was 2 years ago.   The past nine months have been a bit of a battle, most of the weight I lost with South Beach Diet which I think is a fantastic diet with some great principles, but there are some things that are just not ok on that diet and after 9 months, I want those things.   I was getting into a habit of sticking to it for 2 or 3 days, kind of falling off the wagon for the next few and then REALLY falling off the wagon over the weekend.  So recently, I switched to Weight Watchers.  I’ve done WW in the past, I know the principles, I have a handy little calculator that keeps up with my points for me, and so far I’m doing good.  I’m getting to eat baked cheetohs and yogurt and I feel pretty great.  And the weight is still coming off, I’m down 2.6 in the past 4 days.  I’d like to get back to 175, that’s my first goal, and if I stick to 2 pounds a week that’s about 12 weeks off.  So I’ll probably blog again in 12 weeks, ha, ha.   If I come across a recent picture, I’ll post it.  I don’t feel horrible anymore, I’m fitting back into some clothes I haven’t worn for 2 years or so, and now that Kate’s baby weight is almost off (2 pounds to go!) I can focus on Dash’s baby weight.

So in August 2006, John and I decided to start a family.  I had a great pregnancy, no complications, but I ate way too much.  My weight climbed from 175 to a shocking 273.  As soon as I delivered our beautiful little boy, I dropped down to 244 but from then on I struggled.  I was nursing, and could only do so much to help my weight without hurting my supply.  I got down to 227 but eventually that climbed back up to 244 when I stopped nursing in January of 2008.

In January of 2008, my company started a Reduction Junction challenge.  There were 20 of us, we each chipped in 20 bucks a month and prizes were given out each month over the next 6 months with a grand prize at the end.  I found a place where I could get some prescription diet pills and off we went.  I lost 34 pounds over the six months, ending at 210.  Man, I felt better. 

I started a new job, and my weight creeped back up to 215.  I got it back down to 210 on my own when John and I decided to start a weight loss plan together.  We embarked on the South Beach Diet and I dropped 8 pounds the first week.  Over the next five weeks, I dropped another 8 pounds and got down to 194.4.  What a relief to be below 200!!  I came off the diet pills, immediately gained 4 pounds, and now I’m holding steady at 198.8. 

You know, I’ve weighed a lot of different weights in my life.  I was 175 in high school and got down to 145 when I graduated.  I was 180 when I graduated college, and 185 a few years later when I decided I’d had enough.  I got down to 145 again quickly, and maintained it for 3 years until John and I started dating and all of the eating out and drinking got me back to 175.  Then of course the bizarre 273 that I weighed at the peak of it all. 

I know how I am at each weight.  I know I’m confident and more outgoing when I’m below 175.  I know 165 is when my face starts to thin out.  I know my frame was not meant to carry more than 225.  And that 273 makes my knees ache.  I also know that when I lose 10ish pounds quickly, I feel a shot of confidence that subsides after a few weeks of not losing anymore.  I also know that at 145 I’ll catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and secretly think that I look really good.  Like it’s not ok to think that outloud or something.

So at 198, I’m a shadow of who I am at 145.  Or even 165.  I’ll say something funny and think how stupid my fat face looks saying it.  Isn’t that a horrible thing to think?  It’s always in the back of my mind though.  I was looking at recent pictures of myself the other day.  I look terrible in almost all of the candid shots.  Pretty good in the posed ones.  When I remember to suck in my stomach and angle my face down, I look alright.  I remember when I was skinnier not seeing so many bad candids.  When you don’t have a double chin, it never shows up in pictures.  Whether they’re candid or not.

I’m embarking on a new weight loss push, I need to get another 30 pounds off of me.  I weighed 160ish at my wedding and I was happy.  30 pounds doesn’t sound so bad.  I remember when I weighed 273 thinking that even if I lost 100 pounds I still wouldn’t be close to my ultimate goal.  30 sounds a lot better than 100.  So I’m commiting to walking 30 minutes every single day.  I’m pulling our treadmill out into the living room.  I’m going to stick to this south beach diet, because I honestly love it.  And I’m going to update this long forgotten blog every single day.

 Here’s some pics of the journey so far.

Me at my skinniest, 145.

Creeping back up to 175… Notice the chin-down pose.

My absolute heaviest on delivery day… (273)

Back down to 244…

222…

The weight I am today, at 198

We had hamburger pie last night, one of my favorite meals in general and especially when I’m on a diet.  Brown hamburger throw it in a baking dish, make mashed potatoes and throw them on top and broil until lightly brown.  John threw some cheese and parsley in the potatoes so they were super good.   I don’t know what we’re having tonite, I might have to run to the store. 

I think I’m going to try this tonite…

I’ve been really bad about going to the gym lately.  Really, really, bad.  Dash started going to bed at 7 and if I stop off at Curves I don’t get home until 5:15 which means I get to see him for an hour and 45 minutes a day and I hate that.  So I haven’t been going.  My lunch buddy has joined this challenge too though, so she’s not wanting to go out and eat, so I’m going to curves during lunch.  So far it’s going ok.  Of course it’s day 1.

I thought about giving up breastfeeding this weekend.  I know that’s why i can’t lose any weight.  Plus, I want to take things that aren’t good for breastfeeding, like diet pills   I found a picture of myself from Christmas and I truly think it’s the only time in my life I have just been disgusted with myself.  Embarrassed.  Anyway, it made me think about it. I went home and acutally figured out how many bottles I could get out of one cannister of formula and it was pathetic.  Like 14 or something, so that’s a cannister every 4 days or so.  So breastfeeding it is.

Now the first month I went to curves, I slimmed down quite a bit even though I didn’t lose any weight.  This time, I’m giving it everything I have and if it doesn’t come off then I’m going to a barriatric physician when I stop nursing.  John’s on the wagon with me, so we’re eating healthy at home, and he’s getting on the treadmill with me for 30 minutes every night after Dash goes to sleep.  It’s so pretty today though I think we may go for a walk instead.  Dash got a new wagon for Christmas so we might work that thing out.

 And the verdict is…..

I lost 8 inches!  Yay!  I actually gained a pound but I think that was because of what I ate earlier in the day… but the 8 inches was good news.  1.5 inches off my bust, 1 off my waist, 1.5 off my abdomen (yay c-section tummy!), and 2 inches off each thigh… a few others here and there but those were the big ones.  So I’m going shopping on my lunch break today; my jeans have been baggy but I thought it was because of how much I’ve worn them.  I’m going to go try the next size down!

They did a body analysis which was eye opening, I know my fat percentage is high but they they figured out exactly how many pounds were fat and I’m carrying around a Lindsay Lohan.  They also figured how much was water, which was pretty cool. 

I think I’ll be able to go at 6 AM Tuesday and Thursday (yikes, I know) and 8 AM Saturday without much problem.  So I’m excited, at least for now, to be taking some kind of action against the bulge.  And I ran into a girl I went to high school with so that was cool, too. 

Let me see if I can find a goal pic and a current pic (yikes again… I used to be really cute, keep in mind…)

This is me in July of 2005 when John and I had only been dating for a few months.  Look how cute I was!  Sigh.

And here I am 4 weeks ago…

Such a pudge.  I’m seriously close to 75 pounds away from that first picture, which seems way, way too overwhelming.  So we’re shooting for 200 by Christmas, and 175 by my high school reunion the following summer, and I hope I way exceed that.  I’d love to be 150, but we won’t go there. 

Here’s the stats, if you want to drop your jaw in shock along with me, that’s fine

Weight 227 (and 226.5 this morning)

Body fat percentage:  46.1 (is that possible)

Which means 104 pounds of me is fat!!  Could that all be in my boobs?

 Not too bad considering John’s birthday was this week and we went out to eat for it and on Friday, too.  Hopefully this week I can drop a few more, I’m eager to get in the 2-teens. 

Oh and I weighed today and it was 226.5 with a very full boob   Maybe I can get to 224 by Friday.